I know what this is going to sound like, and no, I'm not bemoaning my circumstances. I'm trying to make meaning out of the facts on the ground. Like most people who have children, I'd like to think I'm a good parent. But, what do I know? Only what I was raised with, and for me, that wasn't exactly what I would call stellar parenting.
So my wife and I are trying to figure exactly what is our purpose. We've come to a few conclusions that don't require depth or serious reflection.
1. We should find purpose in things that are real. No simulations, simulacra, or approximations.
What is real by that definition is a pretty short list. We've landed on love for each other, our kids, and the nature around us.
Ok, great? So what then? What do you do about that?
We've decided that the most natural line to draw is that we should keep our family together as much as possible. To that end, we homeschool, my wife and I work from home, and we try not to commit much of our time to activities outside the family like regularly scheduled team sports, though we do allow some of this to take place.
What we attempt to do is tie together everything we learn in homeschool with something we do out in the world that gives it meaning, weight, and a connection that makes it feel important.
As an example, we studied the art of Claude Monet and then saw some original works at the art museum in Chicago. A year later we saw an ad for a Monet exhibit while in Singapore and made it a point to go just to help cement that work we'd already done and give it greater meaning.
My point is that we've arranged our entire lives in a way that maximizes our time and interaction with everyone else in the family. That doesn't mean we're all happy and content all the time. There's way more friction this way than the standard life path because there's simply so much more time together. We accept it and think juice is worth the squeeze.
But what are we doing now that's causing this crisis of purpose the title promised? We're trying to decide how to progress from where we are now, which is living in Spain on a visa, what kind of family we want to be.
I've been pushing pretty hard for full time travel through Europe in a loop that keeps our visitor visa nice and legal while allowing us to stay and explore all over. The problem is that you can only stay in the EU for 3 out of every 6 months. The plan then, is to take visa reset breaks in the UK and Ireland on one end, then the Balkans countries on the other end. This is of course with a family of five also traveling with a dog. This is a logistical puzzle of the highest order, but I know we can do it.
Our other option is to take vacations from the comfort of Spain and come back again while renewing our visa each year. We get the same amount of time outside Spain as we do with a regular visitor visa.
Another possibility is that we go back to SE Asia and explore around there some more.
The fourth path is going back to the USA and restarting the standard American life plan. I go back to regular employment and I'm gone most of the time.
At this point, with nearly 3 years of full time family living, I can't imagine giving that up. So it's really three choices. But, we have a very tiny baby and weird Asian diseases aren't something I want to worry about just yet. So we're down to two choices. Having a Spanish home base certainly sounds less stressful but Spain might not renew our visa anyway because of our homeschooling. It's a risk that we might not have a choice but to engage with the "the loop plan" no matter what if we want to keep seeing Europe.
So, is this even a choice? Does it fit our purpose or am I trying to force something that's too stressful and/or not in alignment with our family mission statement? Ask I even asking the correct questions?
This decision feels very heavy for us. The kids are sick of talking about it. My wife and I are up losing sleep over it. I feel deeply that this is the correct path but it's fraught with uncertainty and a different kind of stress. We'd really be putting ourselves fully out into the world and I know it'll harder than anything else I've ever done.
Wish us luck.